Why Your Belief System Might Be Affecting Your Fertility

Let’s talk about belief systems and specifically, I’d like to ask you a question today: Is the mindset that you are currently operating under the same mindset that is going to get you your baby?

I know it’s a very direct question, and it can be a very difficult question. But it’s a question that I believe you have to ask yourself. Because we are in a society where medical intervention is just huge and there are IVF clinics popping up all over the world now, much more than ever before and I’m aware that that is in line with the more advanced maternal age and the fact that the rate of people per country who are struggling with fertility problems is rising.

But I don’t believe that’s what it’s all about. I believe, it is true that people’s belief systems need to be adjusted and if you are spending lots of money on things like IVF treatment, IUI procedures, surgery and different medical procedures to help your fertility.

I do understand that there are some medical problems that prevent the fertile process but if you are continuously spending money to advance your body so that it can be prepared for conceiving a baby, but if you are operating under a mindset that is saying “It’s never gonna happen”…“You’re a failure”… “You can’t keep a baby in your body”.

If you are saying those kinds of messages as your dialogue behind the scenes which is the most important part of the dialogue, then you are very much set up for failure.

I’m afraid to say that, but it’s true, you are setting your self up for failure. It doesn’t matter how great you were at taking all the boxes, or at saving for the IVF, for getting the money together. If your belief system is all the time bringing you back to the idea that “No this is never gonna happen for you”, then you are really going to struggle.

So, it’s really very important to cultivate a mindset that it’s kind of unstoppable, no matter what is going on around you that you have an unstoppable mindset to keep going.

And what you do have to ask yourself as well because I know sometimes people find and say to me actually a little bit at times that “Oh you know, I’d love to address my belief, I’d love to examine my top patterns and see how they are affecting or blocking my fertility but I can’t really afford it.”

I’ve been there to, I was at the point where after my 2nd IVF, after my 4th fertility treatment in total and lots of expensive different procedures that we have to undergo, I remember thinking “I just can’t, I cannot get help here because the well is dry, the bank is closed.”

But the question I guess I had to ask myself back then and it’s the question I often ask if anybody is thinking our considering looking for help for their beliefs, and top patterns, and emotional state. I always ask the question: “What’s it going to cost you to stay stuck, what’s it going to cost you to continue along your fertility journey, going to the motions, turning up for the physical part of it and really struggling and having a dialogue at the background that says “This is never going to work”.

So how can we develop a more resilient, a more positive mindset and a stronger set of beliefs about ourselves?

Spend time regularly doing a little bit of mental rehearsal.

Mental rehearsal is tied into visualisation. If you close your eyes for a moment. I’m sure you had thought and visualised many times a future of yourself still struggling and all the negative stuff that goes with that. What I’d like you to do now is to just do the opposite.

Close your eyes, have images coming to the forefront of your mind of yourself turning up to for your next appointment, turning up for your next IVF scan, whatever it might be.

Feeling calm, in control, centred and grounded. 

Breathing comfortable, breathing in through the nose, breathing out through the mouth. Just really having a sense of your self, feeling in control, feeling at ease (pause) and see how everything after that becomes easier. See yourself going to the next stage, feeling calm, feeling in control, feeling centered and grounded, breathing iin those feelings, and breathing away tension.

Just notice that even in those 2 little breaths and that small visualisation, how you can take yourself to anopther place, how you can take yourself to a better place.

Breathing, Mental Rehearsal and the third thing that you can do to help and to begin to cultivate resilience and more healthy belief system, is you can tap into resources.

This is always better done effectively when you close your eyes and visualise. Because you can be sure that there is a track running at the background all the time saying “You’re no good..you can’t do this.. you’re eggs are no good.. you’re just never going to be a mother…you don’t deserve it”.

You’re gonna have all these stuff going on at the background, and that’s what’s creating the pain of your everyday life. You’ve got to battle it, daily. It has to be consistent.

Let’s close our eyes again for a second… closing your eyes, again getting into a nice breathing pattern. Because when we are on a fight or flight state we tend to breathe all up in the chest and a little bit panicky, but instead it’s going to be more of a release breathe (slow exhale), breathing in good stuff (inhale), breathing out the negative. Remember in that state, we can really begin to build on our inner resources.

With your eyes closed now, I would like to invite you to just think about a time in your life when you overcame something that you didn’t think you could. When you overcame a huge obstacle and at that time it seemed like a huge mountain to climb, and at that time you felt like you were never ever going to achieve this and you achieved it and more.

Really breathe in to that feeling now, breathe up all good stuff.. and then breathe out again, just let that feeling flow within your body now, notice where in your body you feel that good feeling, let it spread like a wave through your whole body and just let that feeling encompass your entire body and soul.

And then open your eyes when you are ready.

Doing such as a small exercise just like what we’ve done, if you that daily, if you consciously set yourself down or lie down, decide to:
Change your breathing
Mental rehearsal of what you want (not what you don’t want)

I bet you spend a lot of your time trying to prevent the negative thing from that’s just about to come next and hoping that that negative thing isn’t going to happen. But unfortunately our subconscious mind can’t breathe down the negative and it just feels the emotion of the negativity, and what you’ve got to do is counteract it, give it something good to think about instead.

But it doesn’t happen overnight, it’s like all things. This is not a quick fix, nothing that I recommend here is a quick fix, it’s a daily practice, it’s a discipline. And I promise you that when you put the time in, it will work for you, daily though. It’s positive, it’s relaxing and it is getting you to a different place.

And you know what, what’s going on right now is going on – why not give yourself the best fighting chance by approaching each step of your fertility journey with a positive mindset rather than the one that is blocking you.

I hope this is helpful to you. I’ll see you next time.

Affirmations have been proven time and time again to be a powerful tool for change.

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