Now, today I want to talk about something that could be seen a little controversial and if you are very sensitive you may not really want to watch this video.
Are you attracting all the wrong kind of people in your business? And I guess I want to ask you, do you feel like it is anything to do with you? This is a kind of real talk alert here, and if you are easily offended. Just pop it out of the video for you.
I want to give you some examples of the reasons I see all the time with my clients, as to why perhaps they are not attracting the kind of clients that they really want to work with. The people they know they can really help. I want to give you a few reasons for this.
You’re playing safe. I’ve been here, perhaps you’re always concerned about saying the wrong thing or what people might think of you, so you don’t really share what you really want to say because you are worried you’ll offend someone or hurt someone’s feelings. Does that resonate?
Yes, that’s very kind, that’s a kind quality on somebody which is to be admired. But in some ways what we’re actually doing by being kind and again as I said, I have my hand up here, I’ve done this too. When we are wanting to be kind and therefore darling down our message and what we really want to say, we’re actually in some ways keeping our clients stuck, keeping them stuck in the same patterns.
And what is important to know here is that when people are struggling, whether it is in their health, whether it is with their finances, whether it is with their relationships or anything else, because these are the three key areas where people tend to coach and do therapy. When they’re in that place, they’re almost like in a negative trance, what I would call like a negatively hypnotised, and they actually need to be in some ways jolted out of it, need to be snapped out of this negative trance that they brought themselves into.
They kind of need to be dehypnotised from all of the rubbish that they’ve been buying into. Perhaps sometimes all their lives and maybe that stuff was fed to them, maybe they’ve been feeding themselves all that negative stuff.
But it’s actually our job as therapists and coaches to help them to escape from that programming. So when you are being kind or not really sharing the message that you’re here to share or you just don’t want to say things in case it might hurt someone, you are actually doing a disservice to your ideal clients.
The next thing that I see a lot of is a fear of showing or speaking with your real voice, your real truth, things that you really want to say. And how I see this happening is therapists, coaches, wellness professionals speaking and behaving as they think they’re supposed to rather than how they really feel.
Really want to express themselves and where this tends to head is in what might be called vanilla type messaging. Where you’re kind of touching on a point, you’re not fully saying what you really want to say. But it just comes across as a bit bland, a little bit “meh”. And that’s what I see so much of as well. And again it comes from a good place but it’s not impactful. So you just tend to blend into what everybody else is saying.
And then you have the opposite effect where you’re trying to be too polish, you’re trying to be too perfect, you are not wanting to have a hair out of place on your Facebook live or perhaps you know you are stopping yourself from showing up because maybe you’ve got a big spot on your face or you didn’t put your makeup on right or perhaps you’re just worried that today is not a good day and the lighting isn’t great.
And the thing this particular issue is or this mindset block is that it is what is, and it’s a form of procrastination, it really is. Perfectionism is kind of in here as well, but the thing is perfectionism breeds procrastination and it’s a form of it. And I heard someone say one day, recently, that perfectionism is just procrastination in a nice dress, I really relate it to that, and I really agree.
So when you are trying to be too polish then you are kind of feeling like you’re not really being yourself and the thing is that people want to connect with you, people want to relate to you. People just want connections so much they want to build relationships.
But if people think you’re too perfect and shiny and polished, and perhaps you’d never had a problem of your own or maybe you are not showing any kind of vulnerability, and the way you’re showing up and you don’t share anything perhaps about your own struggles because we want to know that the person that is guiding us has actually lived their life as well.
We don’t want to think that person is perfect, without challenges. At least that’s how I feel. And this is what my clients come to me with these issues where they are, they don’t show up because they are really wanting to feel more polished and that day never really comes. When you are feeling polished and prim and perfect, then it’s like your kind of thinking well you know that’s not the real me, so therefore my clients are going to get disappointed when they actually come face to face with who I really am.
These are the big things that I see coming up so often. And of course, fear is a driver behind a lot of these. And when you are saying the same kind of things that everybody else is saying, then, and you know what will tend to happen is, and it happens to all of us, I’m sure you can relate to this, your eyes glaze over when you’re hearing the same message over and over again delivered by different person but in the same way, it just blends in.
People need a pattern interrupt, they need a break of state to take action and to actually make a change. So, think about what it is you’re not sharing because of fear or because of any of these particular kinds of delaying tactics that I mention or perhaps these are things that are most likely to do with not actually feeling good enough, not feeling worthy enough. They can come to self-trust, self-doubt issues and lack of self-belief.
So, when this happens, it’s just about time to start to look more within, within yourself. And where that comes into play is in upgrading your identity. You hear me talk about identity a lot because it is key. You don’t need another course, you don’t need another strategy or funnel or all these shiny marketing things to make those points that I made earlier actually become reality for you.
What you need is next level identity. That’s what is needed here. Who do I need to be to show up as the authentic me? What is the authentic me? How does she live her life? Does she do a Facebook live without doing all her makeup right? Is she able to show up and give a solid message to her ideal client? Of course. So, if you want to overcome your fear or your insecurities and your false beliefs about your worthiness, because they are false, cause you are absolutely worthy.
Then, certainly, send me a message or book a call with me, so that we can just make this be a different identity this year, make you be actually the person that you were destined to be – the therapist, the coach, the transformation leader that you are actually deserving of, being.
Give me a call or pop me a message if you would like my help with this. In the meantime, ask yourself, who does this person who shows up without worrying about all those things, who just shares her message authentically, without barriers, who is that person?
Because she is you, she is you, it’s just a matter of stepping into her, and working from that place on a daily basis, for letting that drive your daily actions rather than the person you were yesterday or the person you were last month.
So, thank you for watching this video and I look forward to seeing you in the future. With some more messages about messaging, and mindset, and visibility and all of those things. So take care for now, bye.