5 Top Tips to Relieve Fertility Stress

I have so many things that I recommend but these are some of the top tips that I would like to give you around how to manage stress on your fertility journey. Because it’s something that comes up quite a lot, the need to reduce stress.

But how? And what does it actually do?

I’m going to give you my top pieces of advice that you can action straight away so you can have some actionable items to be able to look at, to identify and to figure out whether they are actually playing a part in your life or whether there is something you can do about them.

Tip 1: Gratitude

I get it. I understand when someone tells you to be grateful when you are struggling to have a baby, that it can be really hard to take. I totally get that. But the thing about gratitude is when we are going through difficulty conceiving or holding on to a healthy baby or healthy pregnancy, we forget to look at the things that are actually good in our lives. And when we do look at those things it can make a huge difference.

What gratitude actually does is that it raises your brain’s chemistry and you start to look around your world for those things that are actually going well rather than focusing on everything that is going wrong.

And so I recommend a daily gratitude practise – I love to have a journal or a little jar where you can put little pieces of paper in, writing down and taking 5-10 minutes each day to sit down with your journal or little pieces of paper you are going to put in the jar. At least 10 things in your life that you can be grateful for, or at least if grateful is a step too far for you, just feeling blessed that you have these things in your life. I’ll bet you will find 10.

Practise gratitude daily.

Tip 2: Slow down

Slow down and do something differently. Henry Ford said, “If you always do as you’ve always done, you will always get more of what you always got”. And yet, when we are going through the fertility struggle and we are ticking all the boxes, we’re running around – meeting appointments, we are taking the supplements, taking maybe herbs, and we are going to all these clinical appointments or whatever is you might be doing. We get on that treadmill of doing..doing.. making it happen, overachieving almost on your fertility journey.

I was like that too, but the thing about it is we sometimes just absolutely have to slow down and do something different. So that we can make space for this baby.

Slowing down is key because otherwise from a neuroscientific perspective:
“When we are always go..go..go and we are moving forward always driving things to happen, and we are meeting all of our expectations as such”.

We never actually stop to make space for what wants to come forth, and so my recommendation is at least 10-20 minutes a day – either some kind of meditation practise, deep breathing practise, perhaps yoga, something along those lines that you absolutely make a non-negotiable in your day.

That will relieve your stress, and what happens when you relieve your stress? Your body no longers feels like it’s in an emergency situation and therefore there is more space, more room for your baby to come through.

Tip 3: Make Space For Your Baby

Is there a physical space in your house for your baby? If not, then how can you go about making that happen? It’s a really lovely practise to actually make a space in your house that you can create like a little project around it, where it is going to be the baby’s room.

Some people don’t like to do that because they are worried that they’re getting their hopes up and their hopes may be dashed. But your hope is up anyway, so, why not be really intentional and symbolic about this, and go make a physical space dedicated to this baby you so desire.

Also, make mental space. If you are always driving, always trying and there is no space in your head or your body for a baby, then it’s time to do something different. Neuroscience tells us: “We have the same 60,000-80,000 thoughts that we processed per day”. Can you imagine that?

But the thing about that is, everyday most of the time they are the same thoughts being regurgitated over and over again. And so when we do that, we are telling ourselves stories about “our inability to have a baby”, or “how it’s never going to happen”, “maybe I don’t deserve to be a mother”. For me, it was “my body is useless”, that’s what I used to say to myself and they were the thoughts that were going around my head.

There was never any quiet time to listen to my intuition, there was never any time to actually listen to my inner self on what really wanted to come forward and just from a personal perspective when I did actually finally conceive my daughter, I remember getting a very strong message because I finally slow it down. I stopped at the treadmill of doing..doing..doing, and when I finally slow it down, I got a message – a full body experience of my baby saying to me “Just wait, I’m coming”.

It gives me goosebumps all over, it still does when I think about it because it was only a making space and stopping my daily treadmill, my running everywhere, making things happen. When I slow it down, and did something different, thought something different, said something different thought affirmations that I was giving myself.

Slowing down and doing something different but also listening to your intuition and what messages want to come forth, but you have to make space for that.

Tip 4: Share With Somebody

Share what you’re going through with somebody. This is a “can’t impressed enough upon you” how important this is because we go through the fertility journey so silently, and in a such an isolated way much of the time and I know that it was a massive turning point for me and a lot of women that I’ve worked with, that I meet and speak to. When they finally said “I’m struggling too” to somebody either in a group of people to do with fertility issues, or with a family member or a dear friend who you know that you can trust, you can feel that you can breathe again. You are not holding all of these stuff in your body, in your mind, you are not holding all this tightness inside. Instead, you’re sharing.

Brené Brown, one of my favourite author said: “The most important words that you can hear when you are in struggle is “Me Too”.

I promise you when you reach out to somebody, be it a family member or a dear friend, or if it’s not viable for you – a coach or therapist of some sort, or somebody within your fertility group whether online or in person. When we sit down and say “I’m really struggling here”, being heard and feeling heard is invaluable. And it just helps you to look around you and to look up for a while and realise you are not actually alone on this.

That there are other people going through this too. And with that, there is a sense of community and sisterhood and just a sense of solidarity. That is my highest recommendation for relieving stress on the fertility journey – join a group of like-minded people who are also going through something similar to you.

I know everyone’s story is different, some people are trying naturally for a baby, some are struggling with loss, some are going through fertility treatment, but honestly, so much of the stress and anxiety is so similar. And it’s just really nice to be among people where you can say “You know what, I’m just really struggling today, can you help?” Or “Can I just speak to you?” or “Can you just listen to me”.

Join some kind of Community or speak to somebody in your life whom you know you can trust.

Tip 5: Treat you mind like you would a beautiful garden

Neuroscience has proven time and time and again that there is a direct correlation between our thoughts and our feelings and how we function physiologically. It is a fact.

So, when we say things to ourselves that are cruel, mean and not very nice, we are expecting something to thrive in soil that is not fertile. This is not about making you feel any kind of guilt about what you are saying to yourself, I get it, I said it too. But this is about saying okay is what I am saying to myself and the thoughts that are going around my mind are they actually supporting my goal of having a baby or are they pulling me away from that.

Just policing your thoughts, asking is that thought actually going to help me on my mission here. Instead of saying my body is always letting me down, just say something like my body is preparing for its most fertile state. And you from there you can go up to “my body is strong and powerful”, but we have to take phases.

Listen to the mental chatter, but don’t completely unpack your bags there.

These are my top tips for relieving your fertility stress. For now, if you like this video please share this or subscribe to my Youtube Channel. Check out the downloadable freebie below.

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